Desert Sage

Whoa – we are NOT in Arizona anymore

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Ahhhh, Quiet

What is it with you humans and fireworks?  Sheesh – so noisy I had to hide go under the bed for some safety peace and quiet.  A girl needs her beauty sleep after all.  I’m just saying…….

Mom was gonna post some pictures, but she is having a real bad day.  I listened in on her phone call and here is what I got (an earful for sure).

  1.  She went to Woodman’s to do a big food shopping.  Had her cart loaded up and suddenly remembered she forgot to grab some cash (for those of you w/o a Woodman’s, they only take cash, check, or debit card).  $26.00 is all she had.  Apparently she roamed the aisles swearing and putting a whole bunch of stuff back.  I would NOT have wanted to be the poor soul who checked her out.
  2. Ok, let’s try Costco.  She zipped right to the meat dept. to get a rotisserie chicken (becuz she is too hot and tired to cook tonight) and was horrified to see empty stainless steel shelves.  Fortunately (for everyone) chickens were almost ready to be restocked.  Some lady pushed her way in and grabbed them as fast as they could put them out (10 to be exact).  Mama had a chicken tussle and came out victorious.  She saw the butcher applaud.  I mean really – who the #@%*! needs 10 chickens???
  3. They were out of her favorite Muesli……..and cookies.  Oh dear.
  4. It is extremely hot and muggy.  She is very sweaty, kinda stinky, and her bra hurts.

I think it is wise if we leave her alone.  I’ll nudge her to post pictures tomorrow—–maybe——we’ll see.

Wags & Licks





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Deja Viper

Let me give you the crazy house update before I explain the title of this post.  I am writing because my Mom is crabby (her 2nd cup of coffee is not even helping).  I have wisely taken the laptop under the bed and will probably stay here till I smell something good happening in the kitchen.  OK – back to the update.

Said crabbiness is due to a toothache and probable root canal.  She just had a shiny new crown put on and apparently things are not going well.  “She that crabs” has also been doing lots of experiments at Marquette.  I am neglected.

The master bath remodel is going slow but sure.  Too slow for Mom.  I do have to admit the back half of the house is a huge mess and nobody can fine anything – including me!  My water bowl keeps moving.  Truly annoying (and Mom thinks she has problems – ha!).

Deja viper you ask?  Yes indeed.  We just stepped out to the peeatorium (the lovely little area of faux grass near the front door), I barely finished my business when I heard this choked scream and immediately was snapped across the walk by my neck.  As I was recovering from whiplash I saw a 4 ft. garter snake (black with yellow stripes) jump in the air and dive down a chipmunk hole by the front step.  Clearly, my Mom went into AZ snake mode and was trying to protect me from a rattlesnake.  Anyhow, she was hyperventilating and pushing me in the house – it was quite a scene.  General hysteria followed.  Boy, I wish I could have seen Dad’s face during the crazy frantic phone call Mom made. Bet he was making all sorts of faces trying not to laugh……..  When he got home he plugged the hole and covered it with a giant rock.  Mom is pretty sure that the snake is down there eating chipmunks, acquiring super powers, and plotting his revenge.

Every time we go outside my big fat chicken cautious Mom scans the yard, paying extra special attention to the rock.  She swears it has moved……

See what I have to live with??

Wags & Licks,



I Smell Lamb

Well, duh, of course I do.  I’m a dog (well, sorta).  I could smell it when you brought it home from the grocery store, when you butterflied it and loving rubbed it with oil and spices, when it hit the grill, rested on the counter (excruciating), AND I can smell the leftovers in the refrig.  If you don’t believe me (and I don’t think my Mom always does) here is a quote I lifted from NOVA:

“Put another way, dogs can detect some odors in parts per trillion. What does that mean in terms we might understand? Well, in her book Inside of a Dog, Alexandra Horowitz, a dog-cognition researcher at Barnard College, writes that while we might notice if our coffee has had a teaspoon of sugar added to it, a dog could detect a teaspoon of sugar in a million gallons of water, or two Olympic-sized pools worth. Another dog scientist likened their ability to catching a whiff of one rotten apple in two million barrels.”

So there – I know there is lamb in the refrig.  I also know that I will not eat my regular dinner of kibble/coconut oil/grilled chicken until every speck of that mouthwatering roast is gone.  As in my bowl.  As in right now.

Now, I realize that I may have been a bit pushy (Mom said annoying and Dad said relentless) when the roast was resting……please reread the quote above and you will see that all the whining, paw stamping, histrionic whimpering was NOT my fault.  I am hard wired to do these things, and therefore, you should respect nature and just give me big bowl of perfectly pink, juicy, crispy edged food of the gods.

I rest my case.

Wags & Licks,


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Lucy will be pleased to know that her DNA has finally taken over my body.  I am officially aging in dog years.  Ugh.  I thought all the kissing, licking, and nibbling were signs of affection, but NOOOOOO, she just wanted me to catch up with her!

In the last weeks we have shoveled a ton of mulch, scrubbed the deck (all 1300 sq ft of it) several times in preparation for waterproofing, power washed the driveway, cleaned the garage, started demo on the master bathroom, and washed all the windows.  I am to old for all this crap.  Lucy said, just wait…….I’ll show you old…..

Usually we enjoy the work, but this year we’ve hit the wall.  The cold and rain certainly did not make our tasks pleasant.  If the weather cooperates we can finish the deck this weekend.  Then we plan to kick back and relax.  At least till we start the bathroom in earnest.

In the meantime, I am looking for an antidote to dog DNA before this aging thing goes too far!  I have a massage today and I suspect that may start the reversal process.  I also have high hopes pinned on the strawberry rhubarb pie I just took out of the oven.



1 Day

Sheesh, she made one measly little entry on her blog and has already handed the pen to me.  So here is the inside scoop!

First of all, hope everyone had a nice Mom’s Day.  I did not do anything for Mom (other than be my usual adorable self), and now I feel kinda bad.  Am thinking I should have gotten her a week at a rest home….  The pawrents were working themselves into a coma by staining the deck and shoveling mulch (when will it end????)  So, why should I be surprised at what happened this morning?

Mom shuffles out to the kitchen mumbling about coffee, her aches & pains, and allergies (she’s such a charmer in the A.M.)  As usual, I steer clear and just watch.  Coffee – check, blueberries – check, milk – check, granola – ch…. HEY!!  Wait just a darn minute……  Too late, the milk and blueberries were in my bowl of kibble.  She reached for a spoon.  I have to say that there was a real battle waging in my furry little head – should I stop her even tho MY breakfast is ruined or should I just let her take a bite and experience the kibble boredom I experience every day?

Before I could take the moral high road, she caught her mistake.  I tried not to laugh, but a snicker escaped which I tried to cover up with a yawn.   She rolled her eyes and grabbed a yogurt for breakfast.

Happy to report she gave me new kibble, sans milk & fruit.  We’ll see how dinner goes.

Wage & Licks,




A Year? Already?

I’m back (David & Lucy too)….Not even sure if anyone is still out there, but I am here and want to ramble on about things.  Let’s start with a summary of the last year:

1. Moved back to WI (yippee)

2. New job for hubby (all is well)

3. Remodeled our house (if you want to know what I went through AGAIN, just go back and read my old posts from AZ.  New state, same crap).  Thankfully, almost done.

4.  Mom stuff, medical stuff (all calm now)

That list doesn’t look so bad, right?  Well, I gave you the sanitized, simple, “grocery list” format.  You can thank me now that I have been absent from this blog for a year and saved you the gory, hair pulling, nerve shredding, exhausting, I want to run away from home details.

You’re welcome.

So, shall we start again?


My Pawrents Are…..

BIG FAT LIARS!!!!!  You heard me…….BFL, and they will be referred to as such for the remainder of this post.  If you have not guessed, Lucy here.  Apparently my BFL Mom cannot drag herself to the computer – so as usual I will try to keep in touch with her six readers (who have probably given up long ago…)

We moved into our new house on April 7th amidst chants of we really don’t have that much to do.  BIG FAT LIE.

BFL Dad had to start his new job on April 11th, so the weekend was spent frantically trying to find the basics (thankfully that included my bowls, food, and snuggly pink blanket).

I understand that they are not knocking out walls or ripping up tile, but they are recarpeting, painting, cleaning, adding cabinets in the kitchen, etc.  Sheesh, the BFL are busy busy busy.  That means less no time for me.  Do I get to chase chipmunks – nope.  Take long walks and meet the neighbor dogs – not a chance.

The paint fumes must have gotten to the BFL because they keep moving furniture in and out of rooms, taking stuff apart and then putting it back together.  Actually, I think they have moved into Home Depot and have left the house to me.  It is kinda weird here.

Please come and save me, or at least take me for a walk.

Pathetically yours,